You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
