Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
