even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
