so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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