Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
