and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
