i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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