3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
