Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
