why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
