he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
