So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
