i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
