girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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