made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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