i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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