you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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