so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
