I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
