I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
