so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
