the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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