also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
