i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
