The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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