Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
