your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
