That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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