I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Where is the hickey?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Randomize
