yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
