No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
