I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
