Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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