yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
