i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
