What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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