You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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