He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's rum buckets o'clock
Randomize
