I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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