Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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