Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
