I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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