You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
