like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize