You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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