You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
