I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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