So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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