every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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