i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
