alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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