May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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