have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am available for nakedness
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
