i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
