people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
