just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
