i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
