good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
