I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
