omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
