you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm too high and old for this...
You left your phone here
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