i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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