So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Randomize
