yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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