I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
