If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
