god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
