so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
