I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
