i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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