i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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