i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
