My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
