Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
