If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
