Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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