The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
