Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
