the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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